Eating Disorder Therapist in Rockville, Maryland. Serving Montgomery County, Maryland. Specializing in the treatment of anorexia, binge eating, orthorexia, bulimia, compulsive exercise.
Your recovery from an eating disorder is going strong. You’ve been making progress in terms of facing challenge foods, using positive coping strategies, and are finally starting to see the amazing life that you have without active eating disorder behaviors. Then, a major stressor hits you. Perhaps your relationship just ended, you got a new job, or have an upcoming graduation. You start to justify making changes to your meal plan, skipping therapy appointments, and notice that your thoughts are becoming more preoccupied with food and your body. Your eating disorder voice becomes louder, yet you are in denial that it is starting to take control again. Perhaps this regression ends in a slip of old behaviors or maybe even a full-blown relapse. “Recovery is typically not a linear process, and you may have both successes and setbacks along the way.” It is normal to feel triggered and to experience setbacks while you are in the process of recovery from an eating disorder. If you do experience this, it is important to try to practice some self-compassion. You have not failed, and you simply need more support. Recovery is typically not a linear process, and you may have both successes and setbacks along the way. However, the important thing is that you learn to identify any early warning signs of a slip or relapse. That way you can catch them before things may start to spiral out of control. The following is a brief written exercise that you can do as a personal relapse prevention plan: 1. Make a list on a sheet of paper and divide it into three columns. Label one column as green light signs, the other as yellow light signs, and the third as red light signs. 2. Under green light signs, put a list of the ways that you will know if you are strong in your recovery from an eating disorder. For example, I do not weigh myself or spend much time focusing on my body. 3. Under yellow light signs, put a list of the ways that you would know if you are starting to slip back into old patterns of thinking or behaviors that might lead to a full relapse. For example, I start become more rigid in terms of my food choices. 4. Under red light signs, put a list of the ways that you would know if you were engaged in a slip or relapse. For example, I do x ED behavior. If you feel comfortable, you might consider sharing this plan with your treatment team and/or loved ones so that they will be able to identify any warning signs of a potential slip or relapse. Additionally, if you do notice that you are slipping into yellow light or red light signs, it is a sign of true strength to reach out for help from treatment professionals. If the eating disorder voice is starting to get louder, it is critical that you reach out for professional help and support and also that you remind yourself why you started the recovery process to begin with. Living in an active eating disorder is ultimately a very miserable place to be. No one chooses to develop an eating disorder, but you can choose to work towards recovery at any time. Even if you’ve had a slip, relapse, or setback it does not mean that you failed. What matters is that you are able to recommit to recovery and that you learn something from this experience. After all, you’ve come way to far to give up now. “Recovery is a marathon, not a sprint.” No matter what lies your eating disorder voice may be telling you, your life is worth so much more than obsessing about food, calories, and your body. Full recovery and freedom from an eating disorder is completely possible. However, recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. It may take some time, but ultimately you will find a fulfilling and passion-driven life that doesn’t involve an eating disorder. Marya Hornbacher summed it up best when she stated: “I don’t remember when I stopped counting, or when I stopped caring what size my pants were, or when I started ordering what I wanted to eat and not what seemed ‘safe,’ or when I started just eating when I got hungry, instead of questioning it, obsessing about it, dithering and freaking out, as I’d done for nearly my whole life. I don’t remember exactly when recovery took hold, and went from being something I both fought and wanted, to being simply a way of life. A way of life that is, let me tell you, infinitely more peaceful, infinitely happier, and infinitely more free than life with an eating disorder. And I wouldn’t give up this life of freedom for the world.” Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C: is an eating disorder therapist in private practice in Rockville, Maryland. Jennifer specializes in helping adolescents and adults struggling with eating disorders, including anorexia, binge eating disorder, and bulimia, body image issues, anxiety, and depression. Jennifer offers eating disorder therapy in Rockville, Maryland, and eating disorder recovery coaching via phone/Skype. Eating Disorder Therapy easily accessible to people in Potomac, Bethesda, Germantown, Olney, Silver Spring, Maryland, and Washington D.C.
0 Comments
Your recovery from an eating disorder is going strong. You’ve been making progress in terms of facing challenge foods, working diligently with your therapist and nutritionist, and are finally starting to see the amazing life that you have without active eating disorder behaviors. Then, a major stressor hits you. Perhaps your relationship just ended, you got a new job, or have an upcoming graduation. You start to justify cutting back on meals, skipping therapy appointments, and notice that your thoughts are becoming more preoccupied with food and your body. Your eating disorder voice becomes louder, yet you are in denial that it is starting to take control again. Perhaps this regression ends in a slip of old behaviors or maybe even a full-blown relapse. The following are three tips for rising strong following a lapse or relapse in eating disorder recovery. 1. Reach out for support from a trained professional. You may feel embarrassed or ashamed to admit that you are struggling again. However, reaching out for support when you are struggling is a sign of true strength, not weakness. If you are slipping in your recovery, it’s critical that you reach out to a therapist and/or registered dietitian who specializes in eating disorders. Additionally, it’s important to be honest with them about the disordered behaviors that you are currently struggling with. Your "eating disorder voice," may tell you that you aren't "sick enough" to seek help. This is utterly false. Everyone who is struggling, deserves access to help and support. No one should have to recover from their eating disorder alone. You deserve to have support to help you to get back on track in your recovery. 2. Remind yourself of your reasons to recover. When things feel hopeless or “too challenging”, it can be tough to find motivation to continue to work on your recovery. Many of my clients with eating disorders struggle with “black and white thinking.” For instance, you could be telling yourself something like, “I already failed at my recovery, I may as well just give up.” If these kinds of unhelpful thoughts start to pop up, it’s crucial that you remind yourself of your reasons to recover. For instance, one exercise that I often ask clients to do is to imagine what their life could look like 5 years from now if they stay trapped in their eating disorder vs. five years from now if they are recovered. You deserve a full life, one that you cannot have if you continue to stay stuck in your eating disorder. 3. Practice self-compassion. It's important to note that you are certainly not alone in experiencing a relapse or lapse in eating disorder recovery. If you do experience this, it is important to try to practice some self-compassion. “Beating yourself up” for struggling, will only serve to make you feel even worse. You have not failed; you simply need more support. Recovery is typically not a linear process, and you may have both successes and setbacks along the way. Additionally, it’s important to note that you are not “starting again from square one.” Just because you had a relapse, does not invalidate all of the progress that you have already made. Instead, of viewing your relapse or lapse as a “failure,” try to reframe it as an opportunity to learn from. You may just find that you emerge an even stronger person after having overcome the latest setback in your recovery. You Deserve A Full Life When you look back on your life at age 80, do you think that you will be fondly reminiscing about the amount of time you spent counting calories, avoiding social events, running obsessively on the treadmill, or hiding empty cartons of food in shame? Living trapped in an eating disorder is ultimately not a fulfilling life. You didn’t choose to have an eating disorder, but you can make the choice to continue on the path towards recovery. No matter what lies your eating disorder may be telling you, your life is worth so much more than obsessing about food and your body. Imagine all of the amazing things you could accomplish if you devoted this time and energy to something positive. It may take some time, but I believe you will find a fulfilling and passion-driven life, one where you can finally say, “I am recovered.” Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C: is an eating disorder therapist in private practice in Rockville, Maryland. Jennifer specializes in helping adolescents and adults struggling with eating disorders, body image issues, anxiety, and depression. Jennifer offers eating disorder therapy to individuals in Maryland and D.C. and eating disorder recovery coaching via phone/Skype. Eating Disorder Therapy easily accessible to people in Potomac, Bethesda, Germantown, Olney, Silver Spring, Maryland, and Washington D.C.
We all have that “inner critic” voice in our heads. This “inner bully” is that nagging and persistent voice, which tells us unkind or even downright mean things. Some people are reluctant to challenge their “inner bully,” as they believe that it serves to motivate them. However, this assumption is incorrect. While it is impossible to completely get rid of your “inner bully,” you can take away a lot of its power through the practice of self-compassion. In my work as a therapist in private practice in Rockville, MD, specializing in helping teens and adults struggling with eating disorders, body-image issues, and anxiety, I often use elements of dialectical behavioral and cognitive behavioral therapy, as well as helping clients to practice self-compassion. I’m seen the amazing impact that practicing self-compassion has had on the clients that I work with. I’ve also developed my own personal practice of self-compassion over the years, which has truly transformed the way that I work and live. Self-Compassion Self-compassion is not some new-age concept reserved for the spiritually enlightened. Rather it is a simple practice that can have transformative power in our lives. Practicing self-compassion is also not the same thing as being self-centered. Self-compassion is simply treating yourself with the same kindness and care that you would extend to someone that you love. Additionally, self-compassion is different from self-esteem, in that self-esteem is often largely hinged on external accomplishments. Thus, self-esteem is prone to fluctuate depending on one’s perceived successes and setbacks. However, self-compassion is always available to us, regardless of our external circumstances. According to Kristen Neff, a self-compassion researcher, the three components of self-compassion are self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Self-kindness entails being understanding and warm to ourselves when we fail or make mistakes. Common humanity is simply recognizing that suffering and setbacks are normal and expected parts of life that everyone will encounter. The element of mindfulness involves observing our emotions and thoughts in a nonjudgmental manner. Putting it into Practice 1. Notice any self-critical thoughts that you are having. The first step is to simply start to notice any self-critical thoughts that you are having. Try not to beat yourself up for having these thoughts. Rather, acknowledge that they are there and start to develop an awareness of your “triggers,” when it comes to your “inner bully voice” getting louder. 2. Acknowledge that you are not alone in what you are experiencing. The next step is to acknowledge that you are not alone in what you are experiencing. Whether you feel that you have fallen short, made a mistake, or had a setback, it’s important to recognize that this is part of the human experience. You are certainty not alone in this. Further, a life without experiences of failure, setbacks, and mistakes, would likely lack meaning and growth. 3. Practice responding to yourself with kindness. A crucial part of self-compassion is practicing responding to yourself with kindness, both through words and actions. An example: Inner Bully: You sounded so dumb and anxious during that interview. You totally flubbed that question about your past experience. They are never going to hire you. Compassionate Voice: It’s understandable that you felt nervous during your interview. Many people get anxious during interviews. You did the best you could and no matter the outcome, it was brave to put yourself out there. In addition to speaking to yourself gently and kindly, you can also work to practice acts of self-compassion, which could include taking time out for self-care, setting healthy boundaries with others, and doing kind things for yourself. The Bottom Line Like any other skill, self-compassion is a practice and it can take time for this way of responding to yourself to become more engrained. Therefore, it’s important that you do not “beat yourself up” for not always being compassionate with yourself. Ultimately, you deserve to treat yourself with the same kindness and care that you give to people you love. Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C is a therapist in private practice in Rockville, Maryland. Jennifer specializes in helping adolescents and adults struggling with eating disorders, body image issues, anxiety, and depression. Jennifer offers eating disorder therapy to individuals in Maryland, and eating disorder recovery coaching via phone/Skype. This article was originally featured on The Huffington Post. In a society that promotes an emphasis on appearance, dieting, busyness, and garnering social media “likes,” it can be easy to lose sight of the things that truly matter.
We are culturally conditioned to believe that our worth is measured in our weight, appearance, grades, social media following, and our wealth. However, these things are not a barometer of our inherent worthiness or value. As a therapist in private practice, I find that it can be very helpful to explore with my clients their true values. This helps them to put things into perspective and can motivate them to “put in the work” when it comes to challenging themselves to step out of their comfort zones. An Exercise: The following is a brief exercise that you can do to begin to clarify your values, which is adopted from “The Happiness Trap” by Dr. Russ Harris.
Another Exercise: The following is another exercise to help you to explore your values.
What Do You Want to Be Remembered For? It can also be helpful to think about what you would like to be remembered for. What kind of legacy would you like to leave? I have yet to see an obituary, which praised someone’s “six-page abs,” “social media followers,” or “thinness.” Thinking about how you would like to be remembered is one way to clarify whether you are living in alignment with your values. Additionally, it can be helpful in terms of putting things in your life into perspective. A palliative care nurse, Bronnie Ware, shared the five most common regrets of the dying, which were:
It’s important to note that there is nothing in there about wishing they “ate cleaner,” “worked harder,” “had a six-pack,” or “got more followers on Instagram.” At the end of our lives, these things which society places so much significance on, aren’t important. If you are struggling with a mental health concern, which makes shifting your focus from these things challenging, please reach out for professional help. Seeking help when you are struggling is a sign of true strength, not weakness. We are only given a short time on this earth and the things that we do matter. Ultimately, it is our relationships, the way that we pursue our passions, how kindly we treat ourselves and others, and standing up for what we believe in, which actually brings a sense of meaning to our lives. Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C: is an eating disorder therapist in private practice in Rockville, Maryland. Jennifer specializes in helping adolescents and adults struggling with eating disorders, body image issues, anxiety, and depression. Jennifer offers eating disorder therapy to individuals in Maryland and D.C. and eating disorder recovery coaching via phone/Skype. As a therapist in private practice specializing in helping adolescents and adults struggling with eating disorders, body image issues, depression, and anxiety, in Rockville, Maryland, I employ a variety of strategies to help my clients to reclaim their lives and uncover a sense of meaning. I tailor treatment to each person, however I often enjoy using elements of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT). For those who are struggling with an eating disorder, depression, anxiety, or another mental illness, there are often a variety of unhelpful urges that they experience. For example, people who are experiencing depression may feel the urge to isolate from others. Individuals who are struggling with anxiety might experience the urge to avoid situations that cause them to feel anxious. People who are suffering from eating disorders may experience the urge to avoid events or social occasions that involve food. These urges come from a good place, as the individual is often trying to “feel better.” However, in the long-run they only serve to make the person feel even worse. One DBT skill that can be very useful is called “opposite action.” The first step is to identify and name the emotion that you are experiencing. The next part is to determine whether the emotion (including it’s intensity and duration) “fits the facts of the situation.” Additionally, a person can ask themselves whether acting on the urge will be effective in the long-term. Then, based on these answers, a person decides whether to act on their urge or to do an action that is opposite to the urge. An Example of Opposite Action Emotions are important in that they provide us with information and signals about things to pay attention to in our lives. There are times when an emotion “fits the facts of a situation” and motivates us towards effective action. For instance, feeling anxiety about an important exam could serve as a motivator to study. Or feeling anxious while walking home alone at night could help someone to maintain a better awareness of their surroundings. However, there are times when an emotion “does not fit the facts of the situation” and when acting on an emotional urge is not effective. For instance, feeling intense anxiety about eating dinner at a restaurant does not “fit the facts of the situation,” and could cause someone to feel the urge to avoid socializing and going out to eat. Over time, this avoidance behavior only serves to make the anxiety worse. Additionally, it could start to negatively impact an individual’s relationships. In this instance, it would be helpful to note that you are experiencing the urge to avoid eating out and to the take an “opposite action,” which is more in alignment with your life values. For instance, pushing yourself to have meals out at a restaurant (despite feeling afraid), would be taking an opposite action. Seek Help If you are struggling with a mental illness and are having trouble putting this exercise into practice, it’s so important to reach out for help from a trained professional. Seeking help when you are struggling is a sign of true strength, not weakness. Additionally, it’s important to note that behavior change can take time. I often ask that clients begin to challenge themselves in gradual and manageable steps. Further, it’s helpful to be compassionate with yourself, wherever you are in your healing journey. If you are interested in learning more about DBT, I’d highly recommend checking out The DBT Skills Workbook. Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C: is an eating disorder therapist in private practice in Rockville, Maryland. Jennifer specializes in helping adolescents and adults struggling with eating disorders, body image issues, anxiety, and depression. Jennifer offers eating disorder therapy to individuals in Maryland and D.C. and eating disorder recovery coaching via phone/Skype. This article was originally featured on The Huffington Post. From the steady stream of diet advertisements on TV, to the calorie counts on menus at restaurants, our weight-obsessed world is a challenging climate for those who are in recovery from an eating disorder.
While it is impossible to eliminate diet culture from one’s life, there are steps that individuals who are struggling can take to distance themselves from negative media messages. However, certain comments from friends or family members can be highly triggering to those that are suffering. When a loved one is battling with an eating disorder, it can be hard to know what to say. As a therapist in private practice in Rockville, Maryland, specializing in helping those struggling with eating disorders, I’ve seen the negative impact that these statements can have on people in recovery. In honor of National Eating Disorders Awareness week, the following are five statements that you shouldn’t say to someone with an eating disorder. 1. You look so healthy. Saying “you look so healthy” is often a well-intentioned effort to tell the person that you are supportive of their recovery. However, often their eating disorder voice will twist any appearance-related comments into a negative sentiment about their body. It is generally a good rule of thumb to avoid making any comments about the person’s weight, body, or appearance. Someone with an eating disorder is usually entrenched in negative thoughts about their weight and body. Therefore, it can be helpful to pay them a compliment that has nothing to do with their outward appearance. A more helpful statement might be, “You look much happier,” or “You seem to be more at peace with yourself.” 2. You look way too thin. On the flip side, telling a person with an eating disorder that they look “too thin” can also be triggering. At their core, eating disorders are not really about a person’s weight. Often a person who is suffering is engaging in eating disorder behaviors, in an effort to feel more in control of their lives, cope with past trauma, or to numb difficult emotions. Further, it is a common misconception that you have to be emaciated in order to have an eating disorder. A person can be struggling with an eating disorder at any weight. Telling someone that they look too thin may be exactly what their eating disorder voice wants to hear. It’s important to understand that often there is no weight that their eating disorder voice will deem to be “too thin.” A more helpful statement could be one where you point out your concern over the person’s behaviors and how it is impacting their life, rather than focusing on their weight. An eating disorder is a mental illness, and therefore it is impossible to determine someone’s level of suffering based upon their physical appearance. 3. You don’t look like you have an eating disorder. Telling the person that they “don’t look like they have an eating disorder” only serves to fuel their disordered thinking. Their eating disorder voice will tell them that they are “not sick enough” to seek help. Denial is an integral component to eating disorders and this statement insinuates that the person does not “look sick enough” to have an eating disorder. An eating disorder is a mental illness, and therefore it is impossible to determine someone’s level of suffering based upon their physical appearance. Everyone who is struggling with an eating disorder deserves to seek treatment, regardless of his or her weight. Eating disorders come in one size: miserable. 4. I need to lose some weight. Engaging with your loved one in a discussion about your latest diet program is counterproductive and can also be highly triggering. Discussing how you are on a low-carb diet with someone who has an eating disorder is akin to talking about your drinking binge with a person who is recovering from alcoholism. Instead, try to engage in discussions with the person about things that are unrelated to food, weight, and exercise. The person likely already spends a huge amount of time thinking about these topics and could probably use a mental break. 5. Why can’t you just eat that? Asking someone to “just eat” insinuates that they are choosing to have an eating disorder. If treatment for an eating disorder was as simple as telling the person to just “suck it up and eat,” we would have no need for residential centers, therapists, or nutritionists. Telling someone with an eating disorder to “just eat,” is like saying to someone with a broken leg to “just walk.” Eating disorders are not a choice. No one would choose to watch in terror as their hair falls out, to lose their friends because they cannot go out to eat, to exercise despite physical pain, or to binge eat until they feel like they are going to explode. If you find yourself wanting to make this kind of statement, I would encourage you to educate yourself on eating disorders and the devastating impact that they can have on people’s lives. Try to express to the person that you understand they are not choosing to feel and behave this way. However, they can choose to work towards recovery, and you are here to support them every step of the way. Rather than shaming them, encourage the person to seek professional help from a therapist, psychiatrist, or dietitian — preferably one who specializes in eating disorders and health at every size. The Bottom Line If we can begin to eradicate some of the triggering and unhelpful comments that are made to those with eating disorders, we can fight back against the misconceptions and stigma that surround these life-threatening illnesses. With access to appropriate treatment and support, individuals with eating disorders can go on to lead productive and meaningful lives. Full recovery is possible! Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C: is an eating disorder therapist in private practice in Rockville, Maryland. Jennifer specializes in helping adolescents and adults struggling with eating disorders, body image issues, anxiety, and depression. Jennifer offers eating disorder therapy to individuals in Maryland and D.C. and eating disorder recovery coaching via phone/Skype. Here is what I’d like to say to the woman who hates her body. This message is for the woman who looks in the mirror and dislikes what she sees. It’s for the woman who believes that if only she lost some weight, or built some muscle, that maybe then-she would be beautiful and worthy of love. As a therapist in private practice in Rockville, MD, specializing in helping women and girls struggling with body image issues, I’ve witnessed how painful the struggle with “not feeling good enough” can be. First off, I want you to know that it’s not your fault that you are suffering from negative body image. From the time that we are children, we are surrounded by societal messages, which teach us to value “thinness” and often stigmatizes those in larger bodies. Further, there is a 60-billion-dollar diet industry, which makes profit off our belief that we aren’t “good enough.” Body-dissatisfaction is what helps diet companies continue to sell their products. Body image issues and diet-culture impact both men and women. However, I think that particularly as women, it’s important to note that a focus on these issues often keeps us from “playing big” in other areas of our lives. When women are fixed on dieting and attempting to change their bodies, they are not using their energy to change the world. It’s also interesting to note that diet-culture and a fixation on thinness rose in prominence around the time that women began to gain more political rights in our society. We have been culturally conditioned to try to take up less space. As women, we have been taught to criticize our bodies. Not only is this seen as socially acceptable, it’s also a more comfortable way for people to deal with other upsetting situations in their lives. For instance, it’s far easier to talk about hating your thighs, then to express how you are feeling lonely and unloved. However, just as this sense of body-hatred has been learned-it can also be unlearned. There is hope! If your negative thoughts about your body are getting in the way of your happiness, it’s so important to reach out for help from a professional who specializes in body-positivity and health at every size. Reaching out for help when you are struggling is a sign of true strength, not weakness. Your Weight is Not Your Worth Even if you loved your body, the reality is that our bodies are meant to change as we age. Tying your sense of self-worth to your external appearance, is a recipe for discontent. Additionally, it’s important to note that your body is simply the vehicle, which enables you to live your amazing life. Work to practice gratitude for all that your body helps you to do, rather than focusing on how it looks. Further, we all have a limited amount of mental energy. When you fixate on how your body looks, it takes away valuable time, in which you could be reflecting on other things. No one writes in someone’s obituary, “she was so thin,” or “she was the perfect weight.” What would you like to be remembered for? Work to shift focus to the things and people in your life that truly matter. Despite what the 60-billion-dollar diet industry may tell you, I know this to be true. You are not more valuable if you take up less space. Further, your worth is not found in your body size or shape. Your true value is found in the sparkle in your eyes when you laugh, the way that you pursue your passions, how you help others, and in your relationships. You are enough, and you are worthy of love and belonging, just as you are. Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C: is an eating disorder therapist in private practice in Rockville, Maryland. Jennifer specializes in helping adolescents and adults struggling with eating disorders, body image issues, anxiety, and depression. Jennifer offers eating disorder therapy to individuals in Maryland and D.C. and eating disorder recovery coaching via phone/Skype. This article was originally featured on The Huffington Post. Everyday, many women and men have the morning ritual of standing on a bathroom scale. If weight was truly just a neutral number for most people, perhaps you could make the case that this is not problematic. However, in our culture the idea of weight gain is often seen as “the worst thing in the world.” We have attached a moral value to the issue of weight loss and weight gain, which shouldn’t exist in the first place. You are not a “good” person because you lost weight and you are not a “bad” person because you gained weight, despite the messages that diet-culture may be sending you. The following are three reasons why I think that owning a scale and weighing yourself, does far more harm than good and is generally unnecessary. 1. It’s not that accurate of a measure. Weight-fluctuations can cause people who chronically weigh themselves to go into panic-mode. In her book entitled, Body Respect, Dr. Linda Bacon does a great job of explaining one reason why weight-fluctuations occur. Dr. Bacon states, “Your body’s biggest component is water-about 60 percent of your weight. Physically you’re like a big water balloon: five quarts of blood and forty quarts of other fluids...In a given day, your weight can fluctuate by several pounds, primarily due to changes in body water. Considering this, you can see that your scale has limitations. The scale is not an effective way to measure substantive weight change. If you doubt this, try eating some salty foods-tortilla chips and dip will do. You’ll get thirsty, retain water, and “show” more pounds on the scale. So, from the perspective of substantive weight, those day-to-day changes on a scale-or the quick, dramatic, short-term weight loss that comes from dieting-are relatively meaningless...In other words, sometimes weight loss is just dehydration.” Further, it’s important to note that a person’s weight is not a good barometer of a person’s overall health. You can be "thin" and unhealthy. You can be in a larger body and be healthy. The idea that we must be a certain BMI to be healthy is a myth that is propagated by the $60 billion-dollar diet industry. There are many people who stand to make profit off of your discontent with your body. 2. You actually do not have much control over your weight (long-term). We are constantly bombarded with the message that we have ultimate control over our weight and that our lives will improve because of weight loss. This is utterly false. There are two major fallacies at play here. The first is the pervasive societal belief, which falsely claims that we have a large amount of control over our weight. Research shows that while our attempts to control our weight through dieting may work in the short-term, ultimately they will fail in the long-term. Additionally, set-point theory holds that your body will work to maintain its set-point weight range through powerful biological and psychological mechanisms. Therefore, almost all people who are chronically dieting will “fall off the wagon” and proceed to regain the weight that they lost. Dr. Traci Mann, a psychologist and researcher who has studied dieting for over a decade, exemplified this point when she stated, “Your genes play an important role in determining how much you weigh throughout your life. In fact, your genetic code contains the blueprint for your body type and, more or less, the weight range that you can healthily maintain. Your body tends to stay in that range—which I will refer to as your set weight range—most of your adult life. If your weight strays outside it, multiple systems of your body make changes that push you back toward it.” The second fallacy is the unspoken notion that we can control our world, our relationships, and our self-esteem, through our weight. The reality is that there are people who have healthy loving relationships, feel beautiful, and achieve success-at every shape and size. Despite what diet-culture may want us to believe, losing weight is not the key to increased health and happiness. Instead, work to nourish your body with food and movement that you actually enjoy. 3. Your weight says nothing about your value as a person. I often share with clients that even if you loved your body, the reality of life is that our bodies are meant to change as we age. When you allow your sense of self-worth to rest on something external (and that research shows is largely out of your control in the long-term), it is a recipe for discontent. There are so many things about you that are far more interesting than the gravitational force of the earth on your body. At the end of your life, what kind of legacy do you wish to leave? Would you rather be remembered for your body-or for the kind of person that you were? Ultimately, you are worthy of love and belonging, no matter what size you are. When you allow a scale to dictate your self-worth, you allow it to take away your inherent power. You are so much more than a number. Additionally, getting rid of your scale enables you to focus more on how your body is actually feeling. No matter what you weigh or what your body looks like, you are enough, just as you are. The Bottom Line I encourage you to throw away your bathroom scale. I’d also urge you to stop weighing yourself and to replace this ritual with something more nourishing, such as doing a meditation, lighting a candle, or making a gratitude list. Giving up the scale and weighing yourself, will help you to begin to free up your mental energy. Thus, enabling you to focus on the things in your life that truly matter. Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C: is an eating disorder therapist in private practice in Rockville, Maryland. Jennifer specializes in helping adolescents and adults struggling with eating disorders, body image issues, anxiety, and survivors of trauma. Jennifer offers eating disorder therapy to individuals in Maryland and D.C. and eating disorder recovery coaching via phone/Skype.
The recovery process is all about stepping outside of your comfort zone, facing fears, and defying the voice of the eating disorder - time and time again. However, there may come a point, either in the early or later stages of recovery, when you decide that you no longer need to push or challenge yourself as much. The desire to stick to “what feels safe” is completely normal. Even for individuals who have not been affected by eating disorders, there is an impulse to stay with what is comfortable and familiar. A comfort zone may feel like a “safe” place to be, however no major growth ever happens there. To truly grow and strengthen your recovery, it is critical to continue to challenge yourself on a regular basis, whether it’s trying new restaurants, facing “fear or trigger foods," being more flexible with exercise, or resisting the urge to engage in eating disorder behaviors. In my work as a therapist helping people who are struggling with eating disorders, I express that the aim is to feel uncomfortable, but not unsafe. I help people to challenge themselves gradually in a way that is anxiety-provoking, yet doesn’t feel unmanageable. Thus, it is important to ensure that you are pushing yourself out of your comfort zone in small and gradual steps. Feel the Fear And Take Action Anyway Often people avoid taking risks because they think that they need to wait until they feel confident enough to do so. However, the paradox of this is that you will only begin to feel less afraid and gain confidence by gradually exposing yourself to what you are afraid of Susan Jeffers, Ph.D., exemplified this in her book entitled "Feel The Fear... And Do it Anyway" when she stated: "I had grown up waiting for the fear to go away before I took any chances. When I am no longer afraid... then! For most of my life I had played the when/then game and it never worked... Fear of particular situations dissolved when I finally confronted them. The doing it comes before the fear goes away." Rather than trying to get rid of your fear, keep in mind that it is normal and okay to feel afraid. Further, you can feel afraid and take the desired action anyway. The less that you give into the voice of fear and allow it to control your actions, the more empowered and free you will feel over time. Instead of trying to “get rid,” of the fear, I help my clients to begin to change their relationship to fear. Any process of change and growth will typically bring up some fear and anxiety. Instead of “buying into” the fear-based beliefs or messages, it’s important to start by recognizing the stories that your mind is telling you. Just because you have a thought does not mean that it is a fact. Rather then working to "get rid" of a fear based thought, I help people to learn how to acknowledge the thought and then take action, which aligns with their true values. Seek Help From Professionals Your eating disorder may desperately try to convince you that you “aren’t sick enough” to need help. However, it’s important to note that eating disorders are mental illnesses. You cannot tell the extent of someone’s suffering based on their physical appearance or weight. Further, it is important to note that someone can be malnourished, and can suffer from health complications, at any weight. Additionally, you do not need to be suffering from health complications to be intensely struggling with an eating disorder. Living trapped in an eating disorder is a miserable place to be. Everyone who is suffering from an eating disorder deserves to seek help. Reaching out for help when you are struggling is a sign of true strength, not weakness. No one should have to go through the recovery process alone. With access to the right treatment and support, full recovery is possible! Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C: is an eating disorder therapist in private practice in Rockville, Maryland. Jennifer specializes in helping adolescents and adults struggling with eating disorders, body image issues, anxiety, and survivors of trauma. Jennifer offers eating disorder therapy to individuals in Maryland and D.C. and eating disorder recovery coaching via phone/Skype. Have you ever had the experience where you woke up feeling ok in your body, but then suddenly and almost without warning, you fell into a moment of bad body image?
The reality is that for many of us, our body image (i.e. our perception of our body), fluctuates on a weekly, daily, or even hourly basis. There are numerous things that could trigger someone to experience poor body image and also a variety of ways that an individual can work to improve their body image. As a therapist in Rockville, MD, specializing in helping adolescents and adults struggling with eating disorders and body image issues, I use a variety of tools and strategies to help my clients to make peace with their bodies. One strategy is to explore with them some helpful questions that they can ask themselves when they are struggling with bad body image. Question 1: Is there anything else that is bothering me or causing me stress, which I might be expressing by shifting focus onto my body? The following is an initial question that is important to ask yourself when struggling with bad body image: “Is there anything else that is bothering me or causing me stress, which I might be expressing by shifting focus onto my body?” Often it is easier to focus on what we dislike about our outward appearance, then to think about the other issues in our lives that the body-hatred may be masking. For instance, it may be easier to talk about hating your thighs, then to reflect on how your recent breakup has left you feeling unworthy and unloved. "Recognizing that sometimes your poor body image is triggered by other situations in your life may help you to see that attempting to change your body, will not bring you the happiness and contentment that you are seeking." When you are suddenly flooded with a bad body image day or moment, I would urge you to dig deep and try to uncover what else might be upsetting you. This way you can work to address what might actually be bothering you, which you are projecting onto your body. "Think of your experience of poor body image as an important signal, which tells you that you might need to pay attention to something else in your life." Question 2: What do I feel that having my "ideal body" would bring me? Another critical question to ask yourself when struggling with bad body image, is what do you feel that having your “ideal body” would bring you? No one desires to have a certain body type simply for the sake of acquiring that body type. Rather, often we desire to look a certain way because of what we believe it will bring us. For instance, diet-culture teaches us that “thinness” will give us a sense of self-worth, love, health, and acceptance. While it is true that weight discrimination exists and that people in larger bodies are often unfairly judged in our society, the reality is that we cannot control our world, other’s opinions of us, or our ability to be loved through our weight or body. Every day people of all shapes and sizes find love, achieve success, and feel joy and happiness. Happiness and health is not size-specific. Question 3: How can I be kind to myself in this moment? Further, if you are experiencing poor body image, “beating yourself up” for feeling this way, will only serve to make you feel worse. Rather, it is important to work to practice self-compassion. Self-compassion is simply extending the same kindness to yourself, that you would to a loved one who was struggling. Additionally, it’s important not to blame yourself for putting your sense of self-worth onto your body. From the time that we are children, diet-culture teaches us that “thinness” is the magical solution to all of our problems. This makes sense, as it is what helps to keep the $60 billion diet industry alive and thriving. It is not your fault that you are struggling and you deserve to be kind to yourself. It can be helpful to practice compassionate self-care activities, rather than resorting to negative coping strategies when you are experiencing bad body image. Obsessing about your body and hurting it through over-exercise, binging, or starving, are all coping strategies that you may be attempting to use to try to relieve pain. The impulse to practice these negative coping strategies comes from a good place, as your goal is often to “feel better.” However, while these strategies may make you feel temporary relief. They often cause you to feel even worse in the long-term. Instead, think about activities that you can do, which help you to feel relaxed or that boost your mood. For instance, drawing, journaling, spending time with friends, taking a bubble bath, meditation, or playing with a pet, are all some self-care ideas that you might consider trying. There Is Hope Further, it’s important to note that many individuals have experienced poor body image in their lifetime. You are definitely not alone in feeling this way and there are things that you can do to improve your body image. If your inner critic is particularly loud, it might be helpful to consider meeting with a therapist who can help you to uncover what might be contributing to your poor body image, as well as some strategies to help you to begin to move toward body-neutrality and acceptance. With access to appropriate support and treatment, you can make peace with your body. This will enable you to spend your time exploring your passions, building relationships, and helping others, rather then wasting it ruminating on specific body parts that you do not like. All bodies are beautiful. However, your appearance does not define your worth or value. Your value lies in the kindness that you extend to others, the spark in your eyes when you laugh, the way that you pursue your passions, and your relationships. You are worthy of love and belonging. You are enough, just as you are. Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C: is an eating disorder therapist in private practice in Rockville, Maryland. Jennifer specializes in helping adolescents and adults struggling with eating disorders, body image issues, anxiety, and survivors of trauma. Jennifer offers eating disorder therapy in Rockville, Maryland, and eating disorder recovery coaching via phone/Skype. This article was previously published on The Huffington Post. |
About MeI'm an eating disorder therapist in private practice in Rockville, MD. Archives
September 2019
|