​
​The recovery process is all about stepping outside of your comfort zone, facing fears, and defying the voice of the eating disorder - time and time again. However, there may come a point, either in the early or later stages of recovery, when you decide that you no longer need to push or challenge yourself as much.

The desire to stick to “what feels safe” is completely normal. Even for individuals who have not been affected by eating disorders, there is an impulse to stay with what is comfortable and familiar.

A comfort zone may feel like a “safe” place to be, however no major growth ever happens there. To truly grow and strengthen your recovery, it is critical to continue to challenge yourself on a regular basis, whether it’s trying new restaurants, facing “fear or trigger foods," being more flexible with exercise, or resisting the urge to engage in eating disorder behaviors.

In my work as a therapist helping people who are struggling with eating disorders, I express that the aim is to feel uncomfortable, but not unsafe. I help people to challenge themselves gradually in a way that is anxiety-provoking, yet doesn’t feel unmanageable.  Thus, it is important to ensure that you are pushing yourself out of your comfort zone in small and gradual steps.
 
Feel the Fear And Take Action Anyway
 
Often people avoid taking risks because they think that they need to wait until they feel confident enough to do so.  However, the paradox of this is that you will only begin to feel less afraid and gain confidence by gradually exposing yourself to what you are afraid of Susan Jeffers, Ph.D., exemplified this in her book entitled "Feel The Fear... And Do it Anyway" when she stated:

"I had grown up waiting for the fear to go away before I took any chances. When I am no longer afraid... then! For most of my life I had played the when/then game and it never worked... Fear of particular situations dissolved when I finally confronted them. The doing it comes before the fear goes away."
 
Rather than trying to get rid of your fear, keep in mind that it is normal and okay to feel afraid. Further, you can feel afraid and take the desired action anyway. The less that you give into the voice of fear and allow it to control your actions, the more empowered and free you will feel over time.

Instead of trying to “get rid,” of the fear, I help my clients to begin to change their relationship to fear. Any process of change and growth will typically bring up some fear and anxiety. Instead of “buying into” the fear-based beliefs or messages, it’s important to start by recognizing the stories that your mind is telling you. Just because you have a thought does not mean that it is a fact. Rather then working to "get rid" of a fear based thought, I help people to learn how to acknowledge the thought and then take action, which aligns with their true values. 

Seek Help From Professionals
 
Your eating disorder may desperately try to convince you that you “aren’t sick enough” to need help. However, it’s important to note that eating disorders are mental illnesses. You cannot tell the extent of someone’s suffering based on their physical appearance or weight. Further, it is important to note that someone can be malnourished, and can suffer from health complications, at any weight.

Additionally, you do not need to be suffering from health complications to be intensely struggling with an eating disorder. Living trapped in an eating disorder is a miserable place to be. Everyone who is suffering from an eating disorder deserves to seek help.
 
Reaching out for help when you are struggling is a sign of true strength, not weakness. No one should have to go through the recovery process alone. With access to the right treatment and support, full recovery is possible! 
 
Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C: is an eating disorder therapist in private practice in Rockville, Maryland. Jennifer specializes in helping adolescents and adults struggling with eating disorders, body image issues, anxiety, and survivors of trauma. Jennifer offers eating disorder therapy to individuals in Maryland and D.C. and eating disorder recovery coaching via phone/Skype.

Have you ever had the experience where you woke up feeling ok in your body, but then suddenly and almost without warning, you fell into a moment of bad body image?

The reality is that for many of us, our body image (i.e. our perception of our body), fluctuates on a weekly, daily, or even hourly basis. There are numerous things that could trigger someone to experience poor body image and also a variety of ways that an individual can work to improve their body image.

As a therapist in Rockville, MD, specializing in helping adolescents and adults struggling with eating disorders and body image issues, I use a variety of tools and strategies to help my clients to make peace with their bodies. One strategy is to explore with them some helpful questions that they can ask themselves when they are struggling with bad body image.

Question 1: Is there anything else that is bothering me or causing me stress, which I might be expressing by shifting focus onto my body?

The following is an initial question that is important to ask yourself when struggling with bad body image: “Is there anything else that is bothering me or causing me stress, which I might be expressing by shifting focus onto my body?”

Often it is easier to focus on what we dislike about our outward appearance, then to think about the other issues in our lives that the body-hatred may be masking. For instance, it may be easier to talk about hating your thighs, then to reflect on how your recent breakup has left you feeling unworthy and unloved.

"Recognizing that sometimes your poor body image is triggered by other situations in your life may help you to see that attempting to change your body, will not bring you the happiness and contentment that you are seeking."

When you are suddenly flooded with a bad body image day or moment, I would urge you to dig deep and try to uncover what else might be upsetting you. This way you can work to address what might actually be bothering you, which you are projecting onto your body.

"Think of your experience of poor body image as an important signal, which tells you that you might need to pay attention to something else in your life."

Question 2: What do I feel that having my "ideal body" would bring me?

Another critical question to ask yourself when struggling with bad body image, is what do you feel that having your “ideal body” would bring you? No one desires to have a certain body type simply for the sake of acquiring that body type. Rather, often we desire to look a certain way because of what we believe it will bring us. For instance, diet-culture teaches us that “thinness” will give us a sense of self-worth, love, health, and acceptance.

While it is true that weight discrimination exists and that people in larger bodies are often unfairly judged in our society, the reality is that we cannot control our world, other’s opinions of us, or our ability to be loved through our weight or body. Every day people of all shapes and sizes find love, achieve success, and feel joy and happiness. Happiness and health is not size-specific.

Question 3: How can I be kind to myself in this moment?

Further, if you are experiencing poor body image, “beating yourself up” for feeling this way, will only serve to make you feel worse. Rather, it is important to work to practice self-compassion. Self-compassion is simply extending the same kindness to yourself, that you would to a loved one who was struggling.

Additionally, it’s important not to blame yourself for putting your sense of self-worth onto your body. From the time that we are children, diet-culture teaches us that “thinness” is the magical solution to all of our problems. This makes sense, as it is what helps to keep the $60 billion diet industry alive and thriving. It is not your fault that you are struggling and you deserve to be kind to yourself.

It can be helpful to practice compassionate self-care activities, rather than resorting to negative coping strategies when you are experiencing bad body image. Obsessing about your body and hurting it through over-exercise, binging, or starving, are all coping strategies that you may be attempting to use to try to relieve pain.

The impulse to practice these negative coping strategies comes from a good place, as your goal is often to “feel better.” However, while these strategies may make you feel temporary relief. They often cause you to feel even worse in the long-term.

Instead, think about activities that you can do, which help you to feel relaxed or that boost your mood. For instance, drawing, journaling, spending time with friends, taking a bubble bath, meditation, or playing with a pet, are all some self-care ideas that you might consider trying.

There Is Hope

Further, it’s important to note that many individuals have experienced poor body image in their lifetime. You are definitely not alone in feeling this way and there are things that you can do to improve your body image. If your inner critic is particularly loud, it might be helpful to consider meeting with a therapist who can help you to uncover what might be contributing to your poor body image, as well as some strategies to help you to begin to move toward body-neutrality and acceptance.

With access to appropriate support and treatment, you can make peace with your body. This will enable you to spend your time exploring your passions, building relationships, and helping others, rather then wasting it ruminating on specific body parts that you do not like.

All bodies are beautiful. However, your appearance does not define your worth or value. Your value lies in the kindness that you extend to others, the spark in your eyes when you laugh, the way that you pursue your passions, and your relationships. You are worthy of love and belonging. You are enough, just as you are.

​Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C: is an eating disorder therapist in private practice in Rockville, Maryland. Jennifer specializes in helping adolescents and adults struggling with eating disorders, body image issues, anxiety, and survivors of trauma. Jennifer offers eating disorder therapy in Rockville, Maryland, and eating disorder recovery coaching via phone/Skype.

This article was previously published on The Huffington Post. 

It's likely that when you held your baby girl in your arms for the first time, that you could have never predicted that she would struggle with an eating disorder. The parenting manuals do not prepare you for supporting someone as they battle a life-threatening illness, which many still mistakenly perceive as “vain” or a “choice.”
 
There is also a common misperception that somehow parents and families are “to blame” for their child developing an eating disorder. It’s possible that you’ve struggled with feeling like you may have contributed to your daughter’s illness, or wishing that you would have noticed the signs earlier.
 
I want you to know that you did not cause your daughter to develop an eating disorder. Her illness is not your fault. Eating disorders are complex illnesses that are believed to be influenced by a variety of biological, genetic, and psychological factors. Families and parents do not cause eating disorders and they can be incredible supports in the recovery process.
 
Additionally, you did the best that you could at the time-with the knowledge and resources that you had. It can be tough to know what to say or do when your child begins demonstrating signs of an eating disorder. It can also be hard to recognize early warning signs, as often parents have little to no education about eating disorders. You deserve to practice compassion for yourself.
 
It’s also important to note that your daughter did not choose to develop an eating disorder, but she can make the choice to work on her recovery. We also know that family support can be so helpful for people in recovery. Your support and encouragement of her as she battles this illness is crucial. 

Further, it's crucial that you practice self-care and work to be kind to yourself. Supporting someone in recovery can be difficult and emotionally tiring at times. Work to ensure that you have support in place for yourself, as you cannot effectively help your child if you are not taking care of yourself. 

As an eating disorder therapist in private practice, I’ve had the privilege to talk to many parents whose lives have been greatly impacted by their daughter’s eating disorders. I am always amazed by the vast love, support, and courage that they demonstrate in walking by their daughter’s side as she works on her recovery, each day.
 
To the moms and dads whose children are struggling with eating disorders-the ones who do everything in their power to help and support them in their recovery. I cannot begin to say how much you inspire me. Even if things feel tough right now, know that full recovery is possible. 

​With access to treatment and support, people with eating disorders can recover and have productive and meaningful lives. There is hope. 

Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C: is an eating disorder therapist in private practice in Rockville, Maryland. Jennifer specializes in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, and bulimia, and body image issues. Jennifer provides eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD. Jennifer offers eating disorder recovery coaching via phone to people worldwide. Connect with Jennifer through her website: www.jenniferrollin.com

​Maybe you just relapsed and the thought of starting over in the recovery process feels painful. Or perhaps you had changes in your weight, which is causing you to want to “throw in the towel.”
​
It is so normal to be in a place where you feel caught between wanting to maintain your eating disorder and a desire to continue to seek recovery. Ambivalence and denial of the severity of the illness are common aspects of having an eating disorder.

You likely have used eating disorder behaviors in an attempt to “feel better.” Behaviors like binging, purging, and/or restricting, may temporarily cause you to “feel better” and calmer. However, in the long run they only bury your underlying issues and cause you to feel even worse.

Your eating disorder may help you to feel “in control,” or “special,” however these are false illusions. The reality is, the deeper that you are into your eating disorder, the less “in control” you actually are. Rather, the eating disorder begins to completely consume your life and often becomes your primary relationship.

"An eating disorder hijacks your true sense of self and identity and replaces it with an illness."

Some may argue that their eating disorder is the only thing that makes them “special” and are afraid to give up that identity. The truth is that the deeper one is in their eating disorder, the more one becomes a carbon copy of everyone else who is struggling with an eating disorder. An eating disorder hijacks your true sense of self and identity and replaces it with an illness. I guarantee that there are other traits or qualities about yourself that make you special and unique, which the eating disorder is currently masking.

If you are struggling with wanting to give up on recovery, I would urge you to recall what caused you to seek recovery in the first place. Living with an eating disorder is like having an abusive partner. Often your life becomes completely taken over by 24/7 thoughts about food, your body, and exercise. Many will find that they become increasingly isolated, depressed, and that their relationships suffer.

When you look back on your life at age 80, do you think that you will be fondly reminiscing about the amount of time you spent counting calories, avoiding social events, running obsessively on the treadmill, or hiding empty cartons of food in shame? Living trapped in an eating disorder is ultimately not a fulfilling life.

So what does recovery feel like? Just as no two people’s experiences of an eating disorder are the same, recovery may look different for everyone. However, ultimately recovery is when food and your body take a more normal place in your life. Recovery is when you can explore new passions (outside of food/exercise/your body) and build strong relationships with people who matter. Recovery is being able to explore the world and travel, savoring the food and taking in the culture of a new place.

"Recovery is truly living again. You deserve a full life, one that you cannot have if you are still trapped in your eating disorder."

Recovery is laughing and losing track of time with friends and family because you are having such a great time. Recovery is also feeling sad or angry sometimes and dealing with disappointment and heartbreak. Recovery is feeling all of your feelings both pleasant and unpleasant. Recovery is truly living again. You deserve a full life, one that you cannot have if you are still trapped in your eating disorder.

It’s important to note that recovery is not a linear process. No matter where you are in your journey, it’s important to practice being kind to yourself. You are doing the best you can given the coping skills that you have, and you can also work to change and improve. It’s normal to have setbacks and to make mistakes, but what matters is that you learn from them and continue to work towards recovery.

I’d also recommend making a list of what your life could look like five years from now if you choose recovery and five years from now if you are still trapped in your eating disorder. If you are not working with a treatment team, it is also important that you identify specialists in your area that can help you. No one should go through the recovery process alone.

You didn’t choose to have an eating disorder, but you can make the choice to continue on the path towards recovery. No matter what lies your eating disorder may be telling you, your life is worth so much more than obsessing about food and your body. Imagine all of the amazing things you could accomplish if you devoted this time and energy to something positive. It may take some time, but I believe you will find a fulfilling and passion-driven life, one where you can finally say, “I am recovered.”

Marya Hornbacher, an author who recovered from an eating disorder, says,
I don’t remember when I stopped counting, or when I stopped caring what size my pants were, or when I started ordering what I wanted to eat and not what seemed ‘safe,’ or when I started just eating when I got hungry, instead of questioning it, obsessing about it, dithering and freaking out, as I’d done for nearly my whole life. I don’t remember exactly when recovery took hold, and went from being something I both fought and wanted, to being simply a way of life. A way of life that is, let me tell you, infinitely more peaceful, infinitely happier, and infinitely more free than life with an eating disorder. And I wouldn’t give up this life of freedom for the world.
​
Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C: has a private practice providing therapy in Rockville, Maryland for adolescents and adults struggling with eating disorders, body image issues, anxiety, and survivors of trauma. Jennifer offers eating disorder recovery coaching via phone/Skype. Connect with Jennifer through her website at www.jenniferrollin.com

This article was previously featured on The Huffington Post.

An important part of recovery from an eating disorder is gradually challenging any “food fears.” For many people in recovery this task can seem incredibly daunting-and it may be difficult to know where to start.

Some people may put this challenge off by telling themselves that they will face these foods, when they are feeling less afraid. However, the paradox of this is that you will only begin to feel less afraid by gradually exposing yourself to what you are afraid of. Susan Jeffers, Ph.D., exemplifies this point in her book entitled “Feel The Fear…And Do it Anyway” when she says,

“I had grown up waiting for the fear to go away before I took any chances. When I am no longer afraid…then! For most of my life I had played the when/then game and it never worked..Fear of particular situations dissolved when I finally confronted them. The doing it comes before the fear goes away.”

Ultimately, fear is a normal part of any process that causes personal growth. However, it is possible to feel afraid and to take action anyway. Further, you cannot fully recover from an eating disorder without challenging your food rules and fears. Eating disorders are much more complex then just being about food. However, one critical aspect of the recovery process is normalizing your relationship with food. The first step in doing so, involves pushing yourself out of your comfort zone.

I’m certainly not saying that it is going to be easy to eat the foods that your “eating disorder voice” is telling you to avoid at all costs, however if you wish to find freedom, it is necessary to challenge yourself (in small steps).
The following are some tips for facing your fear foods in recovery from an eating disorder.

1. Write a list of your fear foods starting with the ones that are least challenging to the most challenging.

The goal of challenging your fear foods/food rules is to gradually step out of your comfort zone in a way that is anxiety provoking, but does not feel completely unsafe. Therefore, it can be helpful to start by making a list of the foods that are the least challenging-up to the ones that are the most challenging. This way you can ensure that you face your food fears gradually, by starting from the bottom of the list and slowly working your way up.

Also, it is important that you expose yourself to same fear food multiple times before moving on to the next one. Recovery isn’t a race and it’s normal for this process to take some time. You can determine that you are ready to move on to the next fear food in your hierarchy, if your anxiety has significantly decreased in response to the particular food that you have been repeatedly exposing yourself to. 

If you want to make the list more comprehensive you could include a scale where you rate each food from 1-10 in terms of how anxiety provoking it is. Additionally, you could have a space next to each food to record your thoughts and feelings prior to and following each exposure. For some it can be helpful to write what your “eating disorder voice” is telling you about each food, and then to write a statement from your “healthy voice” underneath.

2. Use healthy coping strategies, rather then engaging in compensatory behaviors.

It is critical to be mindful that you are not engaging in any compensatory behaviors following the exposure, as this will not allow your anxiety to naturally come down on it’s own. Further, engaging in compensatory behaviors only serves to strengthen your “eating disorder voice.”
​
Instead, work to use some healthy coping strategies if you are feeling especially anxious after (or prior to) facing a fear food. For instance, one idea could be making a list of healthy coping statements to look at. For instance, you might write down, “More flexibility with food=having a full life” or “All foods fit into a healthy diet.” Other ideas for healthy coping strategies include meditation, playing with a pet, doing artwork, or watching a funny movie. Work to figure out which strategies work best for you and your recovery.

3.  Find a support person who can assist you in facing your fear foods.

When your “eating disorder voice” is very loud, it may be difficult to disobey it on your own. Finding support when facing your fear foods can be incredibly helpful in your eating disorder recovery. For instance, if you have a therapist, nutritionist, or recovery coach, you could consider asking them if they would be willing to eat some of your challenge foods with you. If you do not have access to a treatment team, asking a friend, partner, or family member to eat your challenge foods with you could be helpful.
​
It is important to let whomever you decide to be your support, know what you need from them in that moment. For instance, you might tell your mom that you would like for her to eat one of your fear foods with you-and that you want to talk about things other than food while doing so.  Just try to ensure that the person, whom you choose to do some of the exposures with does not have their own issues surrounding food and weight-as that could be highly triggering.

4. Work to practice self-compassion.

In facing your fear foods, you are doing something that is incredibly brave. True strength is not denying yourself food or avoiding certain foods, rather it is facing your fear foods despite what the “eating disorder voice” may be screaming at you.
However, it is critical that you try to practice self-compassion and be gentle with yourself-especially for any perceived “mistakes” that you may make in the recovery process. Beating yourself up for not doing a food challenge “perfectly” will not help your in your recovery journey.
​
Additionally, it is normal to feel very scared and out of control. It is ok that you are feeling this way and the fact that you are trying to challenge yourself shows so much courage. This is the time to be kind to yourself because you are battling an illness, which you certainly did not choose to have. However, full recovery from an eating disorder is possible-it is never too late.

Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C: has a private practice providing therapy in Rockville, Maryland, for adolescents and adults struggling with eating disorders, body image issues, anxiety, and survivors of trauma. Jennifer offers eating disorder recovery coaching via phone/Skype. Connect with Jennifer through her website at www.jenniferrollin.com

Binge eating disorder is the most common eating disorder in the U.S., however it is often highly misunderstood and stigmatized. Additionally, many people who are struggling do not seek treatment due to shame, guilt, and denial of the severity of the illness. 
 
As a psychotherapist and recovery coach who is passionate about helping people in their recovery from binge eating disorder, the following are three tips for your recovery.
 
1. Seek professional help from a multidisciplinary team.
 
If you are struggling with binge eating disorder, it is so important to seek help from a team of trained professionals. Eating disorders are life-threatening, complex illnesses, and having the support of a multidisciplinary team is crucial. That team could include a therapist, registered dietitian, psychiatrist, and a recovery coach (depending on your specific needs).
 
It is important to look for professionals who specialize in treating binge eating disorder and who work from a health at every size and weight neutral perspective.
 
Seeking help when you are struggling is a sign of true strength, not weakness.
 
2. Work to make peace with your binging and uncover the function of the behavior.
 
Clients that I’ve worked with who are struggling with binge eating disorder often report feeling a sense of shame, embarrassment and guilt, surrounding their binging. Thus, I often begin by explaining that binging is often a natural and adaptive bodily response to real or perceived deprivation.

Our bodies evolved to ensure our survival as a species and it makes sense that physical and/or emotional restriction can trigger subsequent binging episodes. Physical restriction is the idea of depriving yourself of certain foods, whereas emotional restriction is eating a food while experiencing a sense of guilt or shame.

Additionally, binging is helping you to get some very valid needs met. Binging behaviors may be a way that you are coping with past trauma, unpleasant emotions or a history of food insecurity. Therefore, my aim is to help clients to uncover the function of their binging, practice self-compassion, and gradually work to utilize more life-affirming coping strategies.

It’s important to practice self-compassion and to explore your binging behavior from a place of curiosity and nonjudgment. “Beating yourself up” for binging will likely only serve to perpetuate the behavior and cause you to feel even worse.

3. Educate yourself on the principles of health at every size and intuitive eating.

Health at every size is a movement, which supports people of all sizes in finding compassionate ways to take care of themselves.[i] Many of my clients with eating disorders struggle with body-image issues. Educating yourself on health at every size and body positivity is one way to begin to unlearn the harmful messaging that we receive through diet-culture. 

Intuitive eating is often not recommended for those in early recovery, however when someone is further along in their recovery, it can be life-changing. Intuitive eating integrates mindfulness to one’s hunger and fullness cues, getting rid of a focus on weight, letting go of food rules, and neutralizing all foods. If you are not familiar with it, I would highly recommend checking out the book “Intuitive Eating” by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch.

Additionally, one of my favorite books to recommend to my clients in their recovery from binge eating disorder is “The Diet Survivor’s Handbook” by Judith Matz and Ellyn Frankel.

The Bottom Line
​
I’ve watched my clients make amazing changes in their lives and discover a newfound sense of empowerment and freedom. You don’t have to continue to struggle with constant food thoughts, body shame, or feelings of guilt after eating. Full recovery from binge eating disorder is possible.
 
With access to proper treatment and support, you can recover and go on to lead a productive and meaningful life.

​Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C: has a private practice providing therapy in Rockville, Maryland, for adolescents and adults struggling with eating disorders, body image issues, anxiety, and survivors of trauma. Jennifer offers eating disorder recovery coaching via phone/Skype. Connect with Jennifer through her website at www.jenniferrollin.com

[i] http://haescommunity.com/