Are You Living In Alignment With Your True Values?

In a society that promotes an emphasis on appearance, dieting, busyness, and garnering social media “likes,” it can be easy to lose sight of the things that truly matter.

We are culturally conditioned to believe that our worth is measured in our weight, appearance, grades, social media following, and our wealth. However, these things are not a barometer of our inherent worthiness or value.
 
As a therapist in private practice, I find that it can be very helpful to explore with my clients their true values. This helps them to put things into perspective and can motivate them to “put in the work” when it comes to challenging themselves to step out of their comfort zones.
 
An Exercise:
 
The following is a brief exercise that you can do to begin to clarify your values, which is adopted from “The Happiness Trap” by Dr. Russ Harris.

• Imagine that you are in your 80s looking back on your life and complete the following statements:
• I wish I would have spent less time….
• I wish I would have spent more time…
• If I could go back to (your current age) and do something differently, I would…

 
Another Exercise:
 
 The following is another exercise to help you to explore your values.

• Imagine that you have a bunch of jars in front of you. Each jar is a different category of your life, i.e. romantic relationship, career, health, appearance, hobbies, friendships, family, etc.
• Now imagine that you have a jar with a limited amount of marbles. Into each jar you put some of the marbles that you have based on the amount of mental energy and effort that you put into each category.
• Which jars are the fullest?
• Which jars are the least full?
• Knowing that you only have a limited amount of marbles, are there any shifts that you would like to make?

 
What Do You Want to Be Remembered For?
 
It can also be helpful to think about what you would like to be remembered for. What kind of legacy would you like to leave? I have yet to see an obituary, which praised someone’s “six-page abs,” “social media followers,” or “thinness.”
 
Thinking about how you would like to be remembered is one way to clarify whether you are living in alignment with your values. Additionally, it can be helpful in terms of putting things in your life into perspective.
 
A palliative care nurse, Bronnie Ware, shared the five most common regrets of the dying, which were:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish I had let myself be happier.

 
It’s important to note that there is nothing in there about wishing they “ate cleaner,” “worked harder,” “had a six-pack,” or “got more followers on Instagram.” At the end of our lives, these things which society places so much significance on, aren’t important.
 
If you are struggling with a mental health concern, which makes shifting your focus from these things challenging, please reach out for professional help. Seeking help when you are struggling is a sign of true strength, not weakness.
 
We are only given a short time on this earth and the things that we do matter. Ultimately, it is our relationships, the way that we pursue our passions, how kindly we treat ourselves and others, and standing up for what we believe in, which actually brings a sense of meaning to our lives.
 
Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C: is an eating disorder therapist in private practice in Rockville, Maryland. Jennifer specializes in helping adolescents and adults struggling with eating disorders, body image issues, anxiety, and depression. Jennifer offers eating disorder therapy to individuals in Maryland and D.C. and eating disorder recovery coaching via phone/Skype.